Independence- The Achy Dark Side

Tools for Thriving 2016

The Achy Dark Side of Independence

We’re trained to think of ourselves as independent maybe even “rugged individuals”. We can do it on our own.

The positive aspect of our independence is that we can empower choices to break free from situations, people and environments that are binding us into a smallness that’s hard on our hearts. In millions of ways, the dominant culture all around us encourages the idea of our independent separateness.

Think of the models of heroines and heroes that you know. They all chose to bring forth change from a position of independent knowing. They acted on what they felt they must for the benefit of many. This is the upside of choices made from a place of individual, independent being. After all, no one wants to be a slave to anything.

And yet, what is the actual source of their heroic energy?

The source is their sacred union with the vast divine (or God, Yahweh, Spirit, the Sacred, Oneness, the Christ, the Quantum Field, you pick) that we are and surrounds us right now.

The achy dark side of independence is when we think we can do it on our own and separate ourselves from Source. It points to a greater wisdom that keeps calling us to sacred unity and wholeness.

…And yet we resist.

Resistance comes from the conflict inside us between the knowing we are part of something more vast and our conditioned ideas of “I am a strong independent person who can choose on their own.”

How do we eradicate this separation from source?

We first admit our willful separateness.  This begins the instantaneous alteration of our habits of thinking embedded in our minds and the miles of nervous system that run through our bodies.

Once you become conscious of this achy dark side of independence, you can be welcomed like the prodigal son or daughter coming to the home we all long to find and experience again.

Why is this so important?

When we live from a place of independence- “My Will” not “Thy Will” we cut ourselves off from a treasure chest of dynamic wisdom that can revolutionize every moment of our lives.

Reunion with our wholeness, our sacred union with the vast divine is required for transformative healing. The choice to reunite, to give up independent willfulness, produces an atomic delightful alteration of our total body.

Do not look away from the need to surrender your sense of independence. By Nature we are interdependent with one another and all of the life that surrounds us.

You can allow greater access, greater love too flow towards you by bringing down your boundaries of individualism. Every human builds boundaries. It is part of the history of false independence. And no human makes it on their own.

Look back in your life and cross-reference everything you’ve planned or visioned in contrast to what the pure serendipity your life has brought you. Like us, you will find that choices made outside of all your “good plans” are what have brought joy, passion and an abundance of life. That history can remind you of a greater love that calls you to sacred reunion and that it’s okay to let go of independent and will-full behavior and thinking.

You know there is a home fire burning for you. The door is open and embracing love awaits your surrender and joyful reunion.


Susan and David

We’d love to hear your comments below.

4 comments on “Independence- The Achy Dark Side

  1. Mignon on

    Interesting how life goes awry when trying to do life for one’s self without the “all-knowing friend”. Been there. Done that. So many times! Then I stopped running away, stopped the distractions.
    Before I was afraid to listen, as if the all-knowing friend was going to be another authority yelling in my head my wrongness, belittling and criticizing me. Worst of all, make me dependent and then abandon me.
    Glimpses of joy, gratitude, love and peace happened when I unknowingly chose the various techniques to have them in my life. The discipline was NOT, until recently. With myself, at times my partner and with my fiends weekly I am more committed to a disciplined meditation that has brought me to the point where I really want it daily and sometimes more than once a day. I do not feel a desperate grasping as much anymore.
    I have come to feel safe, love, warmth in this enveloped energy and the cells in my body tingle from time to time as if I were being beamed up by Scottie on Startrek. I surrender more, to trust more, to allow more. I am in my rightful place at peace, Love, Joy and most of all Gratitude and awe for life. Yes, there are murky waters
    to cross from time to time, and dwelling does no good. Time for the lifeline out of the water-more meditation. With this gradual, gentle surrendering my sense of wellbeing is being directed by my “all-knowing friend” and I can relax into The embrace.

    Wow! Don’t know where all this came from. Must needed to share. At first I was going to ask you what got you here. Then this. Sounds like a “guest” blog. Thank you Susan and David for this platform to comment (more of a “share” in this case)!

    Beautiful blog
    Thank you

  2. Chris Gifford on

    That was EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning! As if it were tailor made for me and what I am going through.So simple, so powerful, so true. Thank you David, thank you Susan, you are always so inspirational in the messages that you deliver.
    Love and gratitude always,

  3. DK on

    You nailed it on this one. It rings very true to me. These are recent affirmations I’ve made:
    I know I’m an individual and I also know deep down that we are all one.
    I have a conscience and an ego yet realize I’m a small part of nature and the whole creation.
    I know my own spirit and my connection with something much greater and because of this I take full responsibility for myself and my actions.
    I’m getting to know my higher purpose and trust that I’ll be led the right way.
    Thanks for your reinforcement of these for me.

  4. LindaHowe on

    Hi This brings tears of recognition and recently i feel isolated and alone trying to get my life together right now.
    I am artist, writer, educator master tree Steward( i go into schools and teach about the life cycle of trees) and I’ve been for a decade working in small art museum, museums and art centers, grant to grant, and am post divorce , at 66 and wanting to have sustainable income, and a healthier home area not so close to traffic, so I can keep my healthy living goals alive and bring people together in wonder and fun making intuitive art processes people of all ages , ethnicities and faiths, levels of experience, or even no experience necessary, The goal goal is to connect ourselves with ourselves more deeply , through personal expression , and connected share with one another,.
    I also have felt frozen with a couple weeks of doctors trying to do more tests to determine if and have cancer or not. Its triggered a lot of fears.> I know i need people very much .Most of my family has died, many friends moved to be closer to family, MY life and friends lives, all our lives are in a huge interdependent web of connections wishing nature, are precious. I would love to speak to you directly, if you have time? Thank you for this timely article, Peace, Linda


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